First dates can be fun and exciting! You're meeting with a new person to see if you're romantically compatible while having a great night in or around town. Meeting a stranger, blind date, or acquaintance you don't know well can also be intimidating. First dates can turn sour when you notice a few red flags coming from your date. While there's no way to eliminate all risks associated with a first date, you can mitigate most of them by following common safety protocols and procedures.
Keep in Contact With Friends or Family
When you're on your date, your friends and family should at least know you're meeting with a new stranger. You don't have to share personal details, but if no one knows what you're doing or where you are, they won't be able to find you in worst-case scenarios. It doesn't matter who you tell as long as you're fairly close and they are a trustworthy source. Let people know who you're meeting with, where you're going, and when you get home safely. If you don't report back to them, they may know firsthand when something is wrong, which can sometimes save your life.
Stay in Public
Getting to know a stranger romantically can be intimidating and even dangerous. Many people have safe and harmless first dates, but this isn't guaranteed. Meeting in public where others can witness your interactions may be a safe countermeasure to mitigate first-date risks. People are less likely to injure, assault, or harass you in public spaces where other people can see. If someone attempts to drug your food or drinks, a crowded place may help keep an eye out for you (don't rely on this, however). You're also safe from being privately recorded without your consent, which can be quite common with sexual abusers, even ones who are prominent community members or successful public figures. For example, a medical physician by the name of Oumair Aejaz was discovered to have more than 13,000 nonconsensual recordings dating back at least six years concerning his medical practice and personal life. At first, it may be ideal to stay in public!
Don't Overshare
It may be tempting to share many details about your life on a first date, especially when you're nervous. You're trying to get to know each other, so a rushed approach may seem easier. You'll want to avoid doing this, though. Giving a stranger too much information about you can be used against you. If they're a good fit for a relationship, they'll have plenty of time to get to know you. Abusers commonly try to gain as much leverage against you as possible, and they may try to rush the first stages by blaming it on ‘love at first sight.' Keep your cool, and share a little bit at a time. If something is good, it doesn't need to be rushed.
Watch for Red Flags
While you shouldn't obsessively search for any trait that represents a red flag, it's good to be observant when meeting or dating someone for the first time. Some red flags are obvious from the start, such as misogynistic, racist, or homophobic comments; if someone is intolerant of one group of people, they are likely intolerant of another, including potentially your gender, ethnicity, race, or sexuality. If they often talk negatively about their ex, including referring to them as ‘crazy,' you may want to pay attention. Having a bad ex isn't a red flag, but writing people off as ‘crazy' may be a sign of manipulation.
Establish Boundaries
Abusers often look for people with little to no boundaries to prey on. If you establish physical and social boundaries early on, you'll quickly learn who respects them and who doesn't. Don't allow people to speak or behave in a way that disrespects you or makes you uncomfortable. You can't control other's actions, but you can control how much you tolerate before removing yourself.
Provide Your Transporation
People have more power over you when they can control when and how you leave. Consider making your own transportation arrangements. Drive yourself or take public transit to your date. Don't allow your date to pick you up and drop you off. When things go sour, you want to be able to take initiative and leave on your own accord.
Supervise Your Food and Drinks
Generally, watching your food and drinks in public is a good idea. Anyone can put anything into your drinks when you're not looking, including drugs that can sedate or harm you. It's common for abusers to use drug food or beverages to take advantage of their victims. Even if your date wouldn't do this, others in the area may.
Online Vetting
While you shouldn't excessively stalk a first date, you may want to do some quick online searches of their name and browse their social media briefly. You may discover that your first date could be married or in a relationship. Some people may have been listed on arrest records or news headlines about their crimes (many people share the same name, so don't be quick to pass judgment). A brief online search or vetting of someone's social media may give you valuable information. Remember that what is shared publicly is never the entire story, so take internet information with a grain of salt.
Consider Double or Group Dates
If you're nervous about being alone with someone, you can bring a friend and their partner for a double date. A group date can involve multiple couples or a group meeting. You may not see someone's full personality or true colors with others, but you can keep yourself safe while you get a feel for someone.
Drink Responsibly
Alcohol can severely limit your decision-making and lower your defenses. If you're consuming a drink on your first date, take precautions and limit the quantity. Be careful, especially if your date encourages alcohol use or shames you for avoiding a drink.
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